I get knocked down

Do you ever have those days where you just feel down, and unlike the song says you don't get back up again? Well that's the day I had yesterday. I'm still feeling a lot of emotions right now so I'm kinda just writing as it comes to me. Apologies in advance if this post is unorganized and hard to follow. So back to the emotions I'm feeling:

Anger. I am angry because people take advantage of me. People take advantage of me because I am nice, and always willing to lend a helping hand. Which has turned into other people expecting me to do things for them. Things I'm not supposed to do. Things that they don't do because, frankly, they are too lazy and they know I'll just do it anyway. (If you're lost here, I'm talking about work probz and I'm not going to get too specific because of that).

I am angry because I am being ignored. When I ask for the help of my superiors, it's not because I'm trying to get out of doing work. It's because I genuinely need help or need something to be changed that I don't have the authority to change. When you've asked for something to happen multiple times  and nothing has come from it, it makes a person angry. And discouraged.

Discouraged. I am discouraged because I find myself trying hard and putting forth my best effort every day when it comes to my work. And in my line of work, it's necessary to do your best. These are people's lives I'm dealing with every day. Even though I'm doing my best work possible, it seems like it's never good enough. There is always something I forgot, or didn't do exactly right. Or I'm playing  catch up at the end of the day, trying to finish everything that I'm supposed to do. It never seems like I'm doing enough, when I'm doing all that I can.

Frustrated. I am frustrated because no one knows what I'm going through. Obviously some people do (like other nurses), but not any of my immediate friends or family. The best metaphor I can come up with is that nursing is like a huge, ongoing group project where you never meet the other half of the group. You know there is always that one person in the group that slacks off, and because you don't want a bad grade, you grudgingly finish what they started (or failed to do altogether). That is what nursing can sometimes be like.

I'll finish with saying that I'm also proud. I am proud because, through all of the frustration, anger, and discouragement, I still get up in the morning and go to work. I try not to complain too often. I go to work smiling, excited about the day ahead. Because, really, I love my job. Wait, what? Didn't you just get through listing 27 reasons why you don't like it? Negative. There are certain aspects of my job that aren't my favorite but for the most part I can't get enough of it. Seeing my patients' faces light up when I enter the room brings me joy like nothing else.

Some days can just be worse than others. Where the small things become the big things and you become overwhelmed. I already feel so much better getting all of this out of my system. And I know that one day, it will be better. Right now I am pretty much the low man on the totem pole, but after a few years, a little more school, and a lot of hard work, I will be on top. I have no doubt about it.

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Linking up with Whitney.

 

PS Sorry for all the words. If you actually read them all before skipping to the end, snaps to you! Happy Friday and cheers to getting back up again, and cheers to my BIRTHDAY WEEKEND!