2016 Word of the Year

In 2015 I chose a word that I would focus on for the year. The word was "growth" and I layed out the ways in which I wanted to grow (you can read the full post here, and update posts here and here). Looking back, I did a LOT of growing in 2015. I grew emotionally and spiritually. I grew in my role as a wife as me and my husband fumbled through the first year of marriage - learning about each others likes/dislikes, quirks, and feelings. I grew as a nurse and as a friend. 2015 was a good year for growth.

This year the word I've chosen is "breathe". I guess I should say its my mantra rather than my "word". I don't have specific goals this time around, I just want to remind myself to breathe.

My mom's cancer diagnosis in May literally knocked the breath out of me. It shook me in ways I still cannot put into words. When someone you love receives such detrimental news, it can be so hard to remember to live life normally - to go about the mundane day to day activities with a smile on your face - because you have this cloud hanging over you.

That's when I have to remind myself to breathe. In through the nose, slowly filling up my lungs - out through the mouth, pursed lips like I'm letting off steam. Three times slowly.

Marriage is not what I expected. I'm not saying that negatively - because marriage is awesome. I have a man in my life who is just the right amount of leader, supporter, and encourager - it's just that sometimes (in my stubborn, self-righteousness) I can't always see how great he is.

Sometimes I see his leadership as bossiness (related: I plan on writing one day about my views/struggles/personal relationship with submission as discussed in the Bible), sometimes I see his encouragement as being pushy.Sometimes I have a bad day at work and I take it out on him when I get home - that's not fair, but it happens anyway. Sometimes it's the other way around. In the morning we still love each other, but at night it's laying facing away from each other and muttered "I love yous" and "goodnights."

My husband has strong opinions on many things - so do I. Many times we are on the same side, but there are occasions where we butt heads. Seemingly, there is no eye-to-eye, no compromise, no agreements.

That's when I have to remind myself to breathe. In through the nose, slowly filling up my lungs - out through the mouth, pursed lips like I'm letting off steam. Three times slowly.

Life as a nurse is funny. Some days are awesome: when the patients are kind and the day goes smoothly and I go home in the evenings with a virtual pat on the back and a smile on my face thinking, "This is what I'm supposed to be doing, this is where I belong."

Then there are the other days. The days when I blow the vein, the days when I'm late on every med pass because I spent 30 minutes in one room trying to console the new stroke patient who just can't stop crying. The days my boss is breathing down my neck because I didn't turn in last months reports on time and this months are due yesterday. The days when I go home with tears in my eyes, questioning, "Is this where I am supposed to be? Why do I put myself through this [job] day in and day out?"

That's when I have to remind myself to breathe. In through the nose, slowly filling up my lungs - out through the mouth, pursed lips like I'm letting off steam. Three times slowly.

My plan for 2016 is this: Breathe. Practice grace. Drink a lot of coffee. Breathe. Talk to Jesus. Trust in my marriage. Breathe.  

Do you have a word/mantra for the year?