Things I will never understand about men

So we all know that men are from mars and women are from venus. OR most likely we're from two totally separate universes, agreed? Okay. So in my short 22 years of life I have come to terms with the fact that there are just some things I will NEVER understand about the opposite sex.

Oh Fabio....

ONE. Why do they walk around like they have a stick up their ass... And their chest puffed out like a pigeon. You go to the gym, we get it. So do I, but I don't walk around permanently flexing all my muscles.

TWO. Why its okay for them to fart but not women? I blame this one on my dad and brother, because my whole life they have accepted my bodily functions with love and laughter. However, they forgot to warn me that the other men in my life wouldn't appreciate it as much. As in they would be totally grossed out and they get all squirmy like when most girls see a spider. Seriously, get over it.

THREE. Why don't they smile in pictures? I don't think I'll ever understand this one. It just blows my mind. What's so hard about smiling?

FOUR. Why do they grunt so much? And I'm not talking about at the gym, 'cause even I do that. Playing video games, driving your truck, when they see another man, working on their car/boat/fourwheeler, dancing, doing business in the bathroom. Really, it doesn't require that much noise.

Speaking of business in the bathroom...
FIVE. Why does it take so long to poop? When I'm droppin' it like its hot on the John, I'm not trying to sit in there for 30 minutes wallowing in the smell. So does it really take them that long to push one out? Do they take a short ciesta? Chat with their boiz? We'll never know.

So there you have it, five of the many things I don't (and probably never will) understand about the opposite sex.