I could be BFFs with Rebel

Sure there are the leading ladies, the one's that look perfect on and off the screen, but I really think I could make a connection with someone else. That someone else is Rebel Wilson. I have loved every movie she's ever been in. From Bridesmaids to Pitch Perfect to What to Expect when You're Expecting, she's been freaking perfect.
She and I are also perfect. For each other.
We both appreciate a good deal. 

I went to Target yesterday (who didn't though) for one thing, and I ended up buying four more things just because they were on sale. And if something is free, you better believe I'm snatching it up.
Neither of us are too much into conforming or following the norm.

Granted, I have never been to Insane Clown Posse convention, but I wouldn't say no to it either.

I don't like running. Neither does she.

I feel like women really bond over mutual dislikes and our mutual dislike of running/cardio could really seal the deal between us.

We both know the importance of staying connected via social media

Because, where would any of us be without our social media breaks?

If you haven't watched any of Reb's (see we even have nicknames) interviews, I suggest you just go ahead and block yourself off an afternoon and watch them. All. Or if you don't have time, just watch the one where she does Salt n Pepa with Ellen. It's the best.

What celebrity do you think you could be BFFs with?

Christmas Traditions I Strongly Dislike

We all have our Christmas traditions. I talked about mine with Amber a few days ago. I know everyone is different, but there are some traditions that just down baffle me to the point of dislike. Case in point:
ONE. Elf on a shelf. Not only is he creepy as hell, that little bastard is around your house, getting into the presents, making messes, stealing Barbie's car, and who knows what else. I don't know about you, but if anyone would have messed with my Barbies, they were dead meat. Maybe it's because I don't have kids, but lordy when I do I hope this tradition will have been dead a long time.

NOT OKAY.

TWO. Fake trees. Go ahead, call the environmental police, but I stand by my sentiment that real trees are the best. Period. End of story. The smell better, they look better. And really guys, the mess isn't that bad. The whole "your'e killing the environment every time you cut down a Christmas tree" argument is completely invalid. They have farms with literally thousands of trees and only about 100 at most get cut down every year. Chill. Out.

NOT OKAY

THREE. Not drinking. I'm sorry, I love my family, but how on earth can you be around your family 24/7 for several days and not need a bottle glass of wine? Or maybe a couple Jagerbombs in my Uncle's case. Okay, maybe I just don't understand the sentiment of "not drinking" at any time so.... moving on.
FOUR. Opening presents on Christmas Eve. You guys, Christmas is DECEMBER 25TH. Not one day or even one minute before. The only reason you should open a present early is if 1) you bought it for yourself or 2) you have a relative in town and they won't actually be there for Christmas. Have a little patience! 
FIVE. Inflatable lawn ornaments. No guys. Please, just say no to the inflatable Santas, reindeer, snowmen, just say no to it all. Believe me, I am ALL FOR decorating for Christmas. One of my favorite things is driving around and seeing all of the lights on houses, but this? This is too much for me, or anyone, to handle.

JUST. NOT. OKAY.

What are some holiday traditions that baffle you?

Foot in mouth syndrome

Foot-in-mouth syndrome (not to be confused with hand/foot/mouth disease) is something I suffer from. It is a life long disease causing a person to figuratively put their foot in their mouth. To say some things you probably shouldn't have said in certain company. Word vomit. It happens to the best of us, unfortunately.

One time I called my aunt fat, right in front of my uncle. Not that she isn't overweight, and not that I said it in such a bad way, but it was something I wouldn't have wanted her to know I said about her. Whoops.

Another time, I was hanging out with my roommate and two of his friends (who were roommates with each other). One of the guys was moving in with us, breaking his lease with his roommate, because our rent was better. So I casually asked him when he was planning on moving (I had some things in the closet that I needed to get out) in front of everyone and didn't think a thing of it. Later, my roommate informed me that he hadn't told his current roommate of his intentions yet, and I just spilled the beans. Whoops.

I'm also guilty of talking about something I did with my ex (watched a certain movie, or went to a certain restaurant) thinking I went to that place with my current boyfriend. I think we're all guilty of that one, along with calling our new boyfriends our ex's name. And if you haven't, well lucky you. Thankfully the wrong name thing has never happened with Derek.

Or have you ever had a friend tell you something that they didn't exactly say was a secret? That's happened to me on more than one occasion, and I brought it up in other company only to have them give me major side eyes, indicating I just made a boo boo and shared their "secret." Whoops.

As I said, it happens to everyone. Some worse than others, but i think it is unavoidable nonetheless.

What are your biggest foot in mouth moments?

Five Dream Jobs

The other day, Helene tweeted that she wished she could get paid to be a dog mama and several (several) weeks ago, I remember Kristine writing about wishing she could be a pool mama. This got me thinking about some other things I'd absolutely LOVE to get paid to do.

 

Blogging
I know a lot of people make money from their blogs (and yes I have ads that bring in a little money) but I want to make a serious full time salary to sit around and think of random things to write about while reviewing cool products and having the occasional glass of wine.

Cooking
Not in a restaurant. Been there, done that, bought all of the souvenir koozies, and I'm not going back. I'd love to be able to cook whatever I want (preferably peach tarts and blueberry cobbler) whenever I want, feed whoever I want, and eat whatever I want without getting too large and in charge. It really just makes my heart happy to cook/feed people and I'd love to be able to do that. Just that.

Pool Mom
Yep I'm stealing this idea, because who wouldn't? Even though I'm not a mom, when I become one I'll definitely be taking my kids to the pool (if we don't have one of our own) all the time in the summer. Why not just be a community pool mom, loading up your minivan with snacks, sunscreen, and get your tan on while making sure a few kids don't drown or get hurt playing chicken. Sounds like a blast to me

Furniture re-finisher
Seeing all of Jena's home projects has given me insane DIY fever (it's a thing). The problem? I don't have a house of my own (yet!) to decorate or put cool hand made projects in. I really don't know if I'm even talented enough to do the whole DIY thing but I reupholstered a set of chairs once without losing any digits so I think I could handle a few minor projects.

Dancer
I don't mean a ballerina or backup dancer for Missy Elliot. I just want to be able to dance around my house to my Pandora stations while simultaneously keeping everything clean without really having to do much work. Is that too much to ask for?

The idea here is I'd love to be able to do anything fun that doesn't require a lot of effort, but still has amazing results. Some other jobs I wouldn't mind are: Shopper, Lipstick tryer-onner, Professional car singer or Karaoke-er, cheese eater (without the problems later), sunscreen tester (aka just let me tan all day), and cat mama.

 

What are some of your dream jobs?  

Sharing an office

As you may know, I recently acquired a new job title, and with that came a new office. An office shared with three other women, so there's four of us total. We all get along exceptionally well, or at least I get along with everyone and they get along with me. I can't say much about them getting along with each other. We eat lunch together every day (usually in the office, since we're too busy to go out) and we share stories like it's going out of style. Seriously, I've been here for three weeks and I know more about these ladies than any of the nurses I worked with before. I don't hate it.

Sure sharing an office has awesome perks as mentioned above, but sometimes it isn't so great. Here's why:

1. You can't let 'er rip. Don't even say you never pass gas (mom) because we all do it. Some less than others, some more. But it's pretty common courtesy not to do it in such an enclosed setting, where people will probably give you side eyes. So now every time I gotta relieve some pressure I have to excuse myself to the bathroom or find a reason to go out of the office.

2. People aren't always going to get along. As I hinted at before, two of the ladies in the office aren't exactly best buds if you know what I mean. Sure, they never argue and aren't rude to each other, but they never go out of their way to be nice to each other. I have been assured, that it won't be too long before I see them "getting in to it." Apparently it's a common occurence. I just want no part in it.

3. You will get talked about. So maybe this is more true than with women than men, but as soon as someone walks out of our office, somebody has something to say about them. Don't get me wrong, it's not always a mean comment, but comments are definitely made. Makes me not want to take as many restroom breaks.

4. Its difficult to take selfies (real important issue here). Having a front facing camera helps, but when your supervisor's desk is behind yours, she can see your phone screen. So you've gotta be discreet, or wait until you're alone in the office.

As you can see, I've gotten pretty good at it.

Now don't go getting your panties in a wad thinking this is all I do at work. Because I do a lot, but there are only specific things I can do. I work in admissions, if we don't have anyone admitting, I don't have work. Or if the referring facility hasn't sent paperwork, I don't have work. It can get pretty tedious waiting around.

5. I can't think of a #5. But I am a weirdo and I like my lists in incraments of 5. I don't have a previous office job that I can compare this job to, but so far I am loving it. I love the hours, my co-workers, and the work that I do.

Do you have to share an office? What do you like/dislike about it?

What I learned from Disney

I actually posted this exact same a similar post to this one before, but that was back when only my mom read my blog. I'm sure she doesn't mind seeing this again.

 

As a child, my mom got all of the Disney movies ever made. I loved each and every one of them, along with Barney but that's irrelevant. I seriously doubt I could choose just one favorite. Disney movies are great for singing (dancing?) along with, and are especially humorous when you re-watch them in your twenties (some killer insinuations), and you can learn something from just about all of them:

Aristocats 1970

"Ladies don't start fights, but they can finish them." --Marie



The Lion King 1954

"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it: you can either run from it...or you can learn from it." --Rafiki

When in doubt, dress in drag and do the hula.

Pocahontas 1995

"Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one." --Grandmother Willow

Finding Nemo 2003

After watching this, I became bilingual...

And I wasn't afraid to try new things

Aladdin 1992

It is totally acceptable to have a tiger as a pet.

Lying really doesn't get you anywhere.

And last, but certainly not least, The Little Mermaid taught me all about picking up men.

"Don't underestimate the importance of body language!" --Ursula

2. "You gotta bat ya eyes, like dis. And you gotta pucka ya lips, like dis." --Sebastian, expert kisser and eye-batter. I practiced this one in the mirror.

And what forks were really intended for

 What did you learn from Disney movies?

The never-ending debate

Ladies, there is something we need to discuss. Sorry gents (if any of you awesome readers are of the male gender) this post isn't for you. As a woman, there are many, many debates among our gender:

 

Pink vs. Red lipstick

(red)

Straight vs. curly hair

(curly/natural)

Wedges vs. pumps

(wedges)

Kotex vs. Playtex

(I don't even care)

But today I'm here to talk about this: sitting vs. squatting.

Yes. I'm gonna get a little personal here and talk about how we do our biz-nass in the bathroom. I'm going to go ahead and get it out of the way and say it, I am a sitter (*gasp*) and here are some of my reasonings:

 

1. 90% of public bathrooms are cleaned daily, if not more. I know for a fact that the bathrooms (for employees) where I work are cleaned twice a day. With strong chemicals (I know, I can smell them pretty much from my office).

2. The skin on the back of your booty and thighs does not carry STIs/infections/or any other kinds of crazy diseases you squatters think you're going to catch.

3. Most people don't pee very neatly from this position... which leads to spray on the seat. Which is the whole dang reason people don't want to sit on it anyway! (Seriously if everyone just sat down we wouldn't have this issue)

4. Trying to pee while squatting/hovering can lead to infection. No I'm not making that up, you can Google it, or you can just trust me since I'm a medical professional and all that. Since you're straining your muscles in your legs/pelvic area, you obviously aren't relaxed down there. Which leads to urine retention (that means some tee tee stays in your bladder). That's where infection can set in (think of a stagnant water puddle) (ew).

5. Its freaking uncomfortable to hover over a toilet for an extended period of time.

 

Now don't get me wrong, there are certain circumstances where my fanny isn't getting anywhere near that toilet seat, like port-a potties or out door gas station bathrooms. Gag me. If that is the case, then I will resort to hovering if I just can't hold it any longer. I have also resorted to squatting outside to avoid those kind of gross bathrooms.

Places where I usually don't squat: a friend's house, at work, at target, my parents' house, a restaurant.

I found these hilarious signs while doing some "research" for this post:

 

So are you a sitter or a squatter? 

 

A letter to the people who annoy me at they gym

Everyone knows there are certain "types" of people at the gym: the really huge muscular guy, the Barbie on the elliptical, the smelly guy, etc, etc. But there are others... and I think it's about time I address some things with them.

#sweatyselfie that doesn't have anything to do with this post besides that it was taken at the gym

Dear Guy Who Wipes Everything off 100 Times

(and also uses one machine for over 30 minutes!),

Seriously dude, you're not gonna catch a deadly disease from that bench. Or that dumbbell. Or the pulley machine. Or the floor. Or the bar bell. (no I'm not exaggerating). There really is no need to wipe everything off with sanitizer and then put towels down on everything you touch. I mean, I completely understand if there is actual wet sweat that someone (or yourself) left on the bench. I'd wipe that mess off too. But it really annoys me when you take 5+ minutes to sanitize whatever equipment you're using and then take an additional 15-20 minutes to work out on that equipment (especially if it's the only kind of that particular machine!). Have a little consideration for the people around you. Also, stop wearing tall socks with shorts. You aren't doing dead lifts.

Dear lady who wears a ton of makeup,

You do know you're not on your way out to the club right? And that 90% of your make up will be sweated off by the time you leave. And if you're planning on taking a shower (we hope) before you go or do anything else during the day, your make up is just going to wash off anyway. I know you're married, I've seen your wedding ring, your kids and your minivan, so I know you aren't trying to impress anyone. I just don't get it? I know we all want to look good (duh that's why we're at the gym) but wearing that much makeup will just get you talked about. Trust me.

Dear Tan One and Tall One,

I see you with all of your muscles, and your tan. Its gross. You're well over 60 years old and your skin is roughly the color of leather cowhide and probably the same texture as well. I know it's not natural. Hasn't anyone warned you about the dangers of tanning beds and how they, I don't know, LEAD TO CANCER. Your fake bake isn't making you look any younger, and believe me, any attention you get isn't the good kind. Also, I see you + Tall One talking about your friend (we'll call him chubby one) behind his back while he's participating in spin class. I didn't have much respect for you before, but now all of it is out the window. I'll bet you a million bucks that neither of you would last five minutes doing RPM.

Yours Truly,

The sweaty one

I know you are all impressed by my boob sweat.

 

I am super pumped about backing my azz up today because I actually get to have a "real" weekend aka I don't have to work sat/sun and it might be that way from now on because there are some exciting things going on at work right now (more on that next week).

 

I've also got some exciting things planned for this lil' ole blog this weekend! So stay tuned Monday!

Dear Kalyn,

Dear teenage Kalyn,

You are 16. This does not mean you are an adult. This does not mean you are capable of making grown up, rational decisions on your own. I don't even know why I'm telling you this, by now you're rolling your eyes and slamming the door in my face (you better watch out, you'll be missing that door one day).

(sorry for the terrible photo quality)

First I want to talk to you about the guy you meet at church camp. We'll call him "S." S is a really super cool guy and he introduces you to fun new music and tells you that you're pretty. Which is all really sweet, but this does not mean you are "in love" with him. Seriously. Don't cry all the way home from church camp, people will make fun of you. Don't spend hours and hours on the phone with him, it will just run your cell phone bill into the $300's. Which is a lot of money to you. After that I'm not sure what happens. You start your sophomore year of high school. Get a crush on this other guy but he blows you off and you get over it. Very chic of you do not pine over him like you did S.

My BFFL to this day

Even though you make pretty poor decisions when it comes to dating boys and the way you talk to your parents, you do pretty good in the friend department. You'll keep this one around for a while. Also, I should tell you now, the side bangs don't really ever work out for you like they do for this chick. And you keep that necklace (as one of your only accessories) until your 22.

Seriously, what is up with that cheesy smile?

While we're on the subject of fashion. Don't  do that thing where you wear a tank/spaghetti strap shirt over a regular shirt. Its only cool for about a month and when you are 23 and going through old pictures for a blog post (yes, you have a blog) you are going to wonder what the hell you were thinking. Also, don't cut your hair off while you have a perm. Actually, just don't get the perm. Your hair is already curly.

During a pep rally. Spot the tomboy! 

Even though you hate your life right now and "no one understands you" you are going to grow out of that get over it. Your senior year ends up being a blast, and then you go off to college (no its not the one you're planning on now), make some bad decisions and learn from most of them. You make some great friends, and some not so great ones. You start to realize that maybe your parents aren't so clueless after all.

After winning "best actress" for the lead role in my senior play.

In conclusion, remember that your life right now is not a terrible one. There is no need for yelling at teachers or trying to run away from home (you'll regret that later). High school is only for two more years, and you end up surviving (and coming out on top, I might add). You've still got some rough patches ahead of you, but as long as you keep your head on straight, you'll end up being okay.

Sincerely,

23 year old Kalyn

A proposal story

I had a completely different post planned out for today but I have something to tell you all that completely trumps anything I even thought of posting:

 

I got proposed to last night!!!!!! OMahgaaaaah. Okay so not really. Confused? Here's what went down: Derek and I are sitting on his bed discussing engagement and marriage and other things like that. And we got on the topic of proposals, and I talked about how I was just going to say "finally!" when he finally does pop the question. Then I went on to say that I would actually be a big blubbering baby and would burst into tears the moment he got down on one knee. I know this is true because I get teary eyed just talking/thinking about it (yes, I am nothing short of a sap).

 

So what does he do? He leans over to his bedside table and starts rummaging around in the drawer and.... I am freaking out. Like is this for real? I'm saying things like "What are you doing right now?" and "Are you kidding me?" and "I know you're just messing with me right now" and "You better not be freaking serious!." (I know I'm like the most romantic person ever, right?)

 

After about a full minute of me freaking out on him, Derek finally says "Kalyn. Will you make me the happiest person in the world?" (or something like that) (its true, you really don't remember anything they say) and I'm trying not to cry and then he opens up the box.... and ITS HIS CLASS RING. He is literally dying laughing at me saying something along the lines of "You should have seen your face!" Yeah well buddy you should see your face after I'm done punching it.

 

Thirty minutes later he is still laughing at me and I am still seething mad about it. I told him now he's ruined any chance of me believing him when he actually does ask me for realz and he says it's okay, that was his plan all along.

 

I'm not actually engaged, guys.

Do you have a humorous (real or fake) engagement story? Do share!

 



 

(image source)

The cat's out of the bag. Or should I say dog?

After Staci wrote this post yesterday about her dog and her husband's birthday cake, it totally reminded me of a similar experience I had involving that girl below.

The one on the left. She looks innocent but don't let that fool you.

Backstory: I have this Uncle, and he has this wife (I don't call her "aunt" because she's not even 2 years older than me) they live far away and they always come to visit around Christmas. Her birthday is December 24th. There's always Jager and card games and dice games and staying up way to late. But that's what family is all about, right?

 

The third year she came with him for Christmas, my uncle decided he wanted to throw her a surprise birthday party, and he makes me in charge of the whole thing. And he wanted an ice cream cake. Well, in my lil po dunk home town, the stores don't sell ice cream cake. There are two marble slab stores about 40 minutes away, both within 15 minutes of each other. So I called one, placed the order, and asked if they were the store at Location A, to which they answered "yes, yes we are, right next to blah blah blah." So me and mom drove to get the cake... only to find out we went to the wrong store. 20 minutes and one headache later, we've got the darned ice cream cake and we are headed back home.

 

During the trip home the cake slid around in the box and got smashed on one side. I was soooo mad. We decided to stash the cake in my parents upright deep freezer (which was located outside) until the next day, and then we would worry about fixing it. So we dropped the cake in the freezer and went inside. A few minutes later, I had to run outside for something and that's when I saw it.

 

The cake. The dog. The slobber.

My reaction

 

The only thing I could do was scream and when my mom came outside the only thing she could do was laugh and say "At least you can't see where its messed up anymore." She then proposed that we just wipe all of the icing off and re ice it in the morning... and the longer I listened to her the better that planned sounded.

 

The next day (her birthday) all of us went our separate ways (my dad, uncle, and brother to the hunting club, me and my cousin to fix the cake, and my mom was...somewhere I don't remember). All of us were so wrapped up in getting everything ready for the party, that we completely forgot about the birthday girl. She was at my parents house all alone. While we were decorating she was calling her mom (who was getting ready to drive the 10+ hours to get her) because everyone forgot about her birthday.

 

So when its party time and we all yell "surprise" as she walks in, she just starts crying and says she can't believe this is what we were doing all day and that she had one of the worst birthdays ever. We comforted her with a tiara and jager shots and all was well. Me and mom never told anyone about the dog/cake incident. I even ate some of the cake.

 

You couldn't even tell the cake was re-iced. 

 

Moral of the story: surprise parties almost never work out, jagerbombs make everything better, and a little puppy slobber never hurt anyone.

Blogging with a boyfriend

I know there are plenty of single-lady bloggers out there but this post is probably going to resonate more with us bloggers that have a significant other. And some of you married/in a relationship bloggers still may not understand because you have one of those boyfriends/husbands that enjoys reading your blog, takes your outfit pictures for you, and even comes up with some subject matter.

 

That is not the case 'round these parts. So without further ado:

Things my boyfriend doesn't understand about blogging:

1. Blogging is a hobby. A time-consuming, thought provoking, sometimes-headache-giving hobby.
Once Derek told me I needed a hobby so I would have things to do on my off days (this was before school started) and I told him "well... I have my blog." He didn't get it. Obviously he meant something like metal working or racing dirt bikes. Sorry bro, I'm just not into that.

2. Blogging = more pictures. Everyone knows that the quality of the blog post is directly related to the number of pictures in said blog post, right? (Ok not really, but pictures do help). So when I ask you to take a picture of me doing something, don't question it. Just smile and say "okay honey" and pretend like you don't notice when I take pictures of my food. And for Pete's sake, don't ask me if I'm going to blog about it. Yes I'm going to blog about it, le duh.

3. Blogging means more time on the computer. Yes, I will be on the computer a lot more than I was in the past. But unlike when I was just aimlessly Facebook stalking, blogging consists of a lot of writing, reading, responding, and interacting. More than 50% of blogging is interacting with your readers and reading/commenting on the blogs you follow.

4. Yes, we really are friends with people we don't know. One thing Derek can't seem to get through his mind is, no, its not weird that we sit around all day and read about the lives of people we don't know. The blogging community is the one place where I can open up about anything my lil heart desires, and there will be at least one person behind their computer screen thinking, "I thought I was the only one..." thus, a friendship is born.

I will say, Derek is so much better now about understanding blogging than he was when I first started. Either that, or he's just learned to keep his mouth shut about it. But it has take some adjusting (on both of our parts) as to when I'm on the computer and when I'm not. Because we both believe quality time with each other is important.

What are some things your boyfriend/husband doesn't understand about blogging and all that it entails?

Have any other #bloggerprobs? Link up with Autumn!

Also I am guest posting over at Friday Morning Buzz today while Tami is having the time of her life on vacation (I don't sound jealous, do I?) so go check it out!