Five Lessons from My First Year of Marriage

Last October marked a full year of marriage for me and Derek, so technically these are things I've learned over the past year and four months but for the sake of a normal-length title, we'll call it a year. Here are some lessons learned throughout our time spent as husband and wife.

Communication is hard but it's the most important thing to making a marriage successful Whoa, Kalyn, the most important thing? Are you sure? Yes, I am sure. You can have everything else - a great sex life, a perfect home, wonderful children, but at the end of the day a marriage is just you and your spouse and how you communicate with each other is key. The tough part is figuring out how to communicate in a way that the other can understand. I have to remind myself constantly that my husband is not a mind-reader and that if I want something done telling him "if you want to" isn't going to do the trick. Likewise, Derek is learning ways in which I understand him better as well. Apologize when you are wrong This one is tough, you guys. I have a traditional aries personality, and while I am quick to love and I put all of my emotions out there, I'm also quick to anger and undeniably stubborn. These things combined don't make for a quick (or easy) apology. However, I've learned that once I can admit when I am the one in the wrong, life goes on much easier than if I were to wallow in my stubborn pride.
Openly discuss your faith, marriage expectations, and plans for your future This coincides with communication, but I wanted to expand further upon the subject. If you have an expectation for your husband or wife, for goodness sake, TELL THEM. If you expect your husband to be in charge of finances and monetary decisions, don't expect him to just know because it's likely that he won't. If you expect to go to church every Sunday and Wednesday, talk about it and ensure your spouse is in agreement. Don't ever assume your spouse knows your plans or expectations, because that will likely lead to irrational disappointment on your part. Doing something together is pretty awesome Usually, no matter what the activity, Derek and I enjoy doing things together. At the same time. While I'm sweeping and mopping the floor, he's vacuuming the living room and bedroom. While he's working in his garage, I'm crafting outside. We go on hikes, bike rides, to the gym, grocery shopping - you name it, we're usually doing it together. It gives us a sense of accomplishment and pride in the fact that we are a team. 
Talk openly about the love you have for your spouse I will never forget a time when Derek, jokingly, commented on the amount of housework I do vs. the amount of housework he does in front of our friends. While it was said jokingly, our friends could tell there was an underlying issue and it came across as not a joke. We discussed the situation privately and I explained how it not only hurt my feelings, but it was disrespectful to me as his wife. He apologized and explained that he never intended it to be taken that way, but from now on would make an effort to never speak negatively about me in front of our peers, even jokingly. Furthermore, one of my friends who witnessed the quip between us has continued to bring it up. At first, I played along, joking that my husband was the one "without a filter" and never thought before he spoke. Afterward, I realized that even though he was initially disrespectful to me, it wasn't any better for me to talk negatively about him. So the next time the subject was breached, I explained to my friend "We have talked about this with each other and it is in our past. Yes, it was upsetting at the time, but I have forgiven Derek and for me to continue to talk negatively about him is disrespectful to him and to our marriage." 
So practice talking positively about your spouse: say it to them, say it in front of them, to your friends, his friends, your coworkers - say it all the time. Talk about the things they do that make you happy and feel blessed in your marriage. 
What are some things you have learned over the course of your relationship?

Seven (more) Valentine's Date Ideas

Last year I wrote about some realistic date night (or day) ideas to celebrate Valentines day, and while popping each others backne is tons of fun, I figured I could come up with a few more ideas to help make this Valentine's day extra special. 

Plan an outrageous trip

Sit down in front of google, and each of you plan a vacation for your significant other. If he likes fishing, set up an ultimate deep sea fishing trip and for you he can pick out a tropical vacation that's out of this world. After you're done planning the surprise trips share them with the other. Then do something really wild and crazy and actually GO on one (or both of them).

Play some old school board games

...with a sexy twist. Use your imagination for this one, I'm sure you can come up with something fun.

Breakfast Brunch In bed (or out of it)

If you're married to someone like my husband, eating in bed is not an option. We enjoy cooking breakfast/brunch on the weekends because we are always eating on the go during the week - but we usually keep it simple with eggs and sausage. On Valentines day, go all out with whatever your favorite brunch foods are (and don't forget the bloody marys!) (or mimosas if you're in to that). The next fancy brunch food I want to try is stuffed French toast.

Get active/outside

While I do go to the gym about 3-4 times per week and my husband goes every day, we don't go to the same gym. On weekends, we enjoy doing something active together. Whether it's a trail ride on our mountain bikes, a hike, or a day on the boat fishing, it's always fun to get outside and do something to break a sweat together.

Tackle a project that's been on the back burner

This past weekend me and my husband finally hung all of our pictures, paintings, and other wall décor - something I've been wanting to get done for over a month, but it seemed we always had more important things to do. Crossing something off my to-do list, with the help and support from my partner, always leaves me feeling awesome and accomplished!

Take a class

Whether it's a cooking class, art class, or something totally random like how to tie fly-fishing knots - learning something new always seems easier (or sometimes more hilarious) with someone by your side.

And my personal favorite...do nothing!

Spend the day in jammies, ordering delivery (or take-out) from your favorite restaraunts, and just talking about life - there's not much that can beat good quality snuggle time.    What are your plans for this Valentine'sday?
 

Documenting our first year of marriage

I've talked before about how different mine and my husband's personalities are from one another, and it doesn't just end with personalities. One thing that we really differ in opinions on is photographs. I want to photograph and document everything, where he could really care less about it. It used to hurt my feelings, but I've come to accept that's just the way he is, and there's no changing it.

 

Even though he doesn't give two toots about photos, he knows they mean a lot to me, so every now an then he'll agree to taking some nice photos with/for me. I really wanted to have professional photos done around our anniversary (and this is something I hope to continue every year) but since he isn't a fan of photos in general, you can only guess how he feels about spending money on photos. When I informed him it would be about $400 for an hour with a photographer, he put is foot down, pointing out that I have a very nice digital SLR camera with several lenses of my own - why couldn't I take them myself.

 

I whined a bit because I didn't think my photos would turn out very good, but in the end I agreed, feeling that he would definitely be more comfortable with a camera on a tripod rather than posing for a stranger. We only ended up spending about 20 minutes at a location less than 10 minutes from our house and I think the pictures turned out great! Take a look for yourself:

 

It was a tough choice on this one but I ended up liking the black & white version better.

We used this photo for our Christmas cards, I love it!

 

 

All in all, I'm really glad we decided not to pay for a photographer. While I don't think my photos are exactly "professional quality" they definitely serve for the purpose I wanted - to use for Christmas cards and to get at least one or two good ones for framing/gifting purposes.

 

Do you/your family take annual photos? Have you ever done your own or would you rather hire a professional?

     

On saying "I Love You"

"I love you." I still remember the first time I said those words to you - or rather, the way you pulled them out of me, asking "do you?" Of course I said I did, didn't you? Did I know then what our relationship would entail? The ups, downs, the laughter, the tears, and everything else in between?  No, I did not. But I knew that I loved you.
"I love you." Said day in and day out. On the sky lifts at the zoo, at the beach during family vacation, during long car rides, and after arguments. Said on boat rides on the lake, camping on the river, and while working on jet ski motors in the garage. Said during lunches out, dinners in, and while making breakfast together in our pjs.  "I love you." Whispered during our first dance, after the first kiss, and so many other times on the night we vowed to love each other for the rest of our lives. Thinking about that day and the promises we made each other, I still get heart flutters and teary eyes. Such a big commitment, made with such ease and assurance, I couldn't imagine it any other way. "I love you." Mumbled routinely before bed each night. Sometimes cuddled together, sometimes facing our separate ways, but always said. Reassurance, reminding each other - I'm still here, I always will be.  "I love you." Sometimes it isn't words, but actions. Mowing the yard, taking out the trash, scooping the cat litter, and especially washing the laundry. I'll do it so you don't have to - I love you. Picking up dinner or running to buy some ibuprofen. I'll do it, it's not a problem - I love you. In the big ways and the small ways, we say it every day. It's there, in the forehead kisses and the couch cuddles.  Sometimes I feel like I don't say it enough, so this letter is to let you know. I love you.
Always yours, This post is part of The Letter Link Up with Amber of Mr. Thomas & Me

Marriage is...

We attended our first Mardi Gras ball over the weekend and had an absolute blast. I love getting dolled up!

Derek and I are coming up on four months of marital bliss. 

Okay that's a lie. Not the four months part, but the "bliss" part. I read a blog post about a month ago, written by a newlywed, talking about what marriage "is" to her (and her husband). While I don't (and probably never will) consider myself an expert on marriage, and I do believe everyone is allowed their own perspective and opinions, I do have some things to say in response to this (very sweet) blog post. 

Marriage is having dance parties in the kitchen while you cook (well, not my marriage because my husband couldn't dance to save his life), but it's also having a shouting match because one of you forgot to thaw the meat for tonights dinner and now you're having a hunger-fueled argument about irrisponsibility. 

Marriage is sneaking kisses in public, but it's also not wanting to look at each other becase one of you casually mentioned they could see those five pounds you said you'd gained. 

Marriage is building a future together, but it's also the uncertainty you feel about any big decisions you'll have to make. Decisions you thought you knew the answer to, but now you've got someone else to consider. Do we pay the 20k for a masters degree? Do we wait for kids or have them now? Will one of us stay home and raise our children or do we use a daycare? 

Marriage is expanding your family ten-fold, but it's also being compared to your spouses mother/brother/father/uncle and feeling a little bit of resentment toward those new family members. It's having to live up to different standards and learning how to fold the shirts the right way and making the chicken just right. 

Marriage is great. I love being married. But it isn't perfect butterflies and rainbows. Sometimes, it's really hard and really ugly. Marriage isn't about being hunky-dory all the time - it's about the ugly AND the pretty. It is about all of the absolute crap you can go through together, and still come out okay. 

It's about loving someone despite all of their flaws - and I thank God, because I've got my fair share. It's about agreeing to disagree on some things. It's about having a drink by the fire and spoiling your pets and getting mad because somebody refuses to have weekly Harry Potter Marathons. 

Marriage is compromise. Marriage is love. Marriage is grace.

When you and your husband have clashing personalities

When Derek and I started dating, I knew we were different. We had differing opinions on many things, how to handle certain situations, etc. We agree on a lot, but we disagree on a lot too. For example: Derek likes to go to bed with the TV on, while I can't sleep unless it's off. Another: I could spend every day eating good, hearty food, while the only reason Derek eats is to sustain his life. Seriously, he doesn't care what he eats and I really don't think he even "enjoys" eating, whereas I take great pleasure in it. 

One of my favorite things is comparing personalities - when I was younger (read: high school and college - not that long ago) I would compare my astrology sign with others - my friends, boyfriends, parents, teachers, anyone. If you've been a reader for a while, you'll know that I took the Briggs-Myers Personality test (and then compared it to a Harry Potter character) a while back and it told me I was an ENFJ.

Confused yet? If you've never heard of (or taken) the Briggs Myers test, I'll break it down for you. Basically it breaks up your personality into four categories:

Introverted - gains and expresses energy from their own internal world (enjoys alone time)

Extroverted - gains and expresses energy outwardly from the external world (prefers to be around people)

Sensing - believes mainly facts and information that is taken from the outside world (books, reports, etc)
iNtuition - a person receives information based on their own thoughts or their "gut feelings."

Thinking - processes and makes decisions based on facts and logic

Feeling - uses their emotions as guides for decision making

Perceving - prefers a comfortable, laid back environment

Judging - prefers a structured environment with guidelines everyone should follow

For more detailed information, go here or here. To take the test yourself, go here.

So, as I said before, I'm Extroverted, iNtuitive, Feeling , and Judging (ENFJ) with a very strong preference toward feeling and only a slight preference toward judging. Derek, on the other hand is Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, and Judging (INTJ) with a very strong preference toward thinking and only a slight preference toward introversion.

So what does this mean for our relationship? It means we have to work really hard.

An ENFJ and an INTJ walk in to a barn.... get it?

We are opposites in the first category, however neither of us have a strong preference toward extroversion or introversion. While I do enjoy being out and about, I can definitely be happy just sitting at home with a glass of wine and a good book, or just hanging out with Derek watching TV. The same goes for him, while he can definitely be a homebody, he doesn't mind going out and being with friends. He prefers more "intimate" settings - like a few good friends hanging around a fire or playing cards, rather than going to a big party. I think the main reason I lean toward introversion is because I love to talk, so I just need to be around somebody - it doesn't have to be a huge crowd. So thankfully, in this case, our opposing types really complement each other.

We both had preferences toward intuition, with his preference being a little stronger than mine, but not by much. This is a good thing, because it means we both gather information using our intuition and formulate opinions on things based on our gut - basically we are good at figuring things out for ourselves. A good example is when we had to put together a shelving unit for our bathroom and barely needed the instructions.

Now, here's where things get tricky: I am a feeler while Derek is a thinker. We both had very strong preferences in this category - which means we are complete opposites. While Derek makes his decisions based off cold, hard facts, and states things often without thinking about how it is going to make others feel. He is not easily offended and can usually come off sounding a little harsh. I, on the other hand, am a big time feeler - I base all of my decisions off my emotions and anything around me can easily make me happy or sad or mad. While I am highly attuned to my own feelings and emotions (and those of others) while Derek, a classic INTJ, often has little to no idea how another person is feeling, unless he specifically attends to their emotions using a thinking process (i.e. he doesn't know I'm upset by the "little things," instead I actually have to tell him).

So what does that mean for us? Basically it means that if I get enjoyment out of something (blogging, for example) that I have to actually explain to Derek that blogging makes me happy. To him, because it doesn't make him happy, it is unimportant and he doesn't "see" that it makes me happy - since the things that make him happy include jet skis and car engines. No longer can I assume that just because I am feeling sad/hurt/upset about something, that he will automatically sense my feelings and try to make it better. But once I tell him exactly why/how/what made me feel that way, he can start a plan of corrective action (that's the thinker in him). It's been difficult from the beginning: him thinking that if it doesn't affect him, it doesn't affect anyone else; and me thinking that if I'm feeling a certain way that he should just "get it" automatically. It also explains a lot about our love languages (mine is words of affirmation, while his is acts of kindness). For a feeler like me, it only makes sense that we love to tell people how we feel and be told by others how they feel. In Derek's logical, thinking mind, doing "acts of kindness" (like changing the oil in my car) is the best way to show love, because not only does it really help me out - it's completely practical.

One of the biggest and most important things I've learned about Derek is that he LOVES to explain something. So, to build on his thinking personality type, I try to ask him questions about specific things he is working on (whether work related or for fun) and he can talk for hours. Even though it's something I'm not always totally interested in, it's important to him and it makes him feel loved and important to talk about his projects.

Lastly, we are both "judgers" meaning we value structured environment. If we're being completely honest here, I was surprised at my result. I thought for sure I would be a perceiver, because I am totally not "type A." I never use a planner, my desk is a mess, and I'm always doing things by the seat of my pants. What I think happened with the test is that in my mind I want to be judging, structured, and organized, but I'm just not. So it's great that I have Derek in my life - in the few weeks that he's been moved in, our apartment is neater and more organized, and I don't have piles of laundry all over the place. Not necessarily because he does it for me, but because being around him helps my scattered brain become more focused on the tasks at hand.

At least we can agree on the important things - like which football team to root for.

 

Looking at the bigger picture, our opposing personalities can really complement each other - but only if we continually work on our communication and how we show our love to each other. It won't be easy (and honestly I didn't need a personality test to know that) but I think knowing exactly why we have our little disagreements about certain things, and even the same things over and over again, can really help build our relationship into a strong one.

 

So tell me, what's your personality type? Did you marry (or are you dating)(or is your bestie) someone with the same or opposite personality?

 

This post was inspired by Bonnie's similar post on Life of Bon.

I'm about to get on a roller coaster

With my upcoming wedding, I (obviously) have been stuck in wedding-planning mode and there is a never-ending stream of wedding-related thoughts running through my head at all times. Particularly when I'm trying to go to sleep. It goes something like this:

"How much time will we need for pictures?"

"How much will this cost?"

"If I don't do ____ I'll be able to save more money to do ____ instead.

"Will the bridesmaid dresses look good together?"

"Will 100 stems of baby's breath be enough?"

"I hope everyone comes on time."

"I'll kill them if I don't."

"I still can't believe ______ isn't going to come. I really thought they would."

...and so on and so forth.

But lately some other thoughts have been creeping up in my mind. Less wedding thoughts and more marriage thoughts. Sometimes the thoughts catch me off guard, take my breath away and leave me a little winded. Sometimes they're happy thoughts, I become overwhelmed with emotion just sitting at my work desk and tears well up in my eyes, because I can't wait to start my life with Derek. Sometimes they're scary thoughts. They make my stomach turn in knots and my heart jump up in my throat.

The best thing I can think to compare it to is a roller coaster - beginning with the engagement being like waiting in one of the long lines. The whole two hours you're waiting with anticipation and excitement, hoping you'll get a good seat, that the automatic camera gets a great picture, and that no one is going to barf on you. You're nervous, but mostly you're excited.

As you're getting closer - the next group to board - you start to get a little more nervous, but you're still excited. You think that first hill didn't look so high from the ground, but now that you're up close, its a little scary. But you know you love roller coasters, you cant wait for the car to get back around - you're counting the minutes, until finally it pulls in and the other passengers get off.

Now, you're in the car. You've buckled your seat belt and lowered the safety bar. There's no turning back. Your heart is pounding and your palms are a little sweaty. But then the attendant comes around and checks all the safety bars - you have a moment of panic. You can't get out! It's too late! What if something happens? What if you don't want to ride anymore? But then the car begins the slow ascent up the first hill - the big scary one - to start the ride.

I know there will be ups, downs, and probably a few loopty loops that aren't expected. There may be times when I have my hands up in the air, screaming with delight and there may be times when I'm holding on to that safety bar for dear life, praying that I just make it through. But that's marriage. I'm not going in to it thinking it's all going to be unicorns and rainbows. There will be ups, downs, and arounds. There will be trials - and triumphs - and we will have to support each other through them all.

I'm ready to start my ride of a lifetime.

It started out like any other Sunday...

...but it ended with me being a fiancée instead of a girlfriend.

I have been planning on blogging about this all week, however work and time constraints and previous engagements/responsibilities have hindered me from blogging at all.

We began the day going house shopping, which actually turned out to be really productive. We have a new realtor from the last time we went down the road to potential homeownership, and she is amazing! I never thought how much of a difference a good realtor could make when it comes to looking for potential homes. After looking at a few houses, Derek and I went on a mountain bike ride - our first since the spring, since it's been too hot recently.

Since it was still pretty hot/humid (pretty sure the humidity was 91% that day) and we both forgot our camelbaks, we opted for a short four mile ride, followed by a ride to the boat ramp and a dip in the river. Sidenote: when you're planning on swimming around in the river, don't wear a white sports bra. After the ride back from the boat ramp, I was all for going home, but Derek wanted to go on a trail run - I insisted it was too hot. Too tired. We didn't have a lot of water. But he said we needed to work on our running-after-biking for the tri we're doing (in three weeks eeeep). So I agreed to a two-ish mile run.

On the trail, there is a place where the trees and vines completely cover the whole trail, making a sort of vine/tree tunnel. It's my favorite part of the trail and I always say something about how pretty it is every time we ride through it. As we ran through, I said, as I usually do, "This is my favorite part, it's so cool how the trees make a tunnel here. It's so pretty." Derek replied, "Yeah, wouldn't it be a cool place to get engaged?" I kind of giggled a little and said, "Yeah, it would be." but not thinking much about it, because we all know he likes to "call wolf" when it comes to engagements.

Then we ran out of the tunnel and nothing happened.

After running a few more minutes (the whole time me complaining about anything: tree roots, sweat, being tired, bugs) Derek ran through not one, but two spiderwebs back to back. As he was frantically making sure there wasn't a spider crawling on his head, I started doing the same. Because spiders on my body would not have been okay. Once I made sure I was arachnid-free, I started running again and Derek whipped around very fast, throwing his hand out toward me. I, being the highly logical and sensible lady that I am, screamed (still thinking of spiders) "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Him: "What does it look like I'm doing??"

Me (after seeing something sparkley): "What is that? What are you doing?"

Him: "Hahaha what does it look like?"

Me: "Are you kidding me right now?"

Him "Nope."

Me: "...................................."

Him: "Well?"

Me: "Well, you haven't asked me anything yet!"

Him: "Oh, I thought it was kind of implied. I guess, will you marry me?"

Me: "YES!"

And we lived happily ever after.

Not really. We still had another mile and a half to run before we got back to the truck, the whole time me running with my hand in my face staring at my beautiful new toy, tripping over tree roots. It wasn't what you would call a "romantic" proposal, mainly because I half way didn't believe that it was ACTUALLY happening, after months of waiting.

We don't have any plans yet, except we are both so thrilled to be marrying one another! After we work out a few "loose ends" we will be in full force planning mode!

Linking up with Treasure Tromp!

Things I like about myself

No human is perfect. Part of being human is being imperfect. Being flawed. I think our flaws play a major role in determining who we are as a person. As a person with many flaws, I also think it is far easier to address these imperfections than it is to address our good qualities. We live in a society where self praise is looked at as conceited or stuck up or egotistical. But if we can't love ourselves, then who is to say that anyone else is going to be able to love us?

I first saw the idea for this post when Lisa from Two Martini's wrote a few things about herself she loved as part of a link up with Avoiding Atrophy. I actually saw several posts floating around blog land but I've been so entirely slammed lately that I really haven't had time to spend with this blog. So without any further adeiu:

1. My high cheekbones (thanks Mom). Being part Indian (or "Native American" if we're being politically correct) I inherited some pretty cool traits. One of them was a nose with a hump. Another is my naturally high cheekbones and I absolutely love them. 

I've heard a lot of people say that I have "strong features" and I definitely take that as a complement. You could go on youtube right now and find hundreds of "highlighting and contouring" videos, teaching women how to get their cheekbones to look like mine.
2. My ability to laugh at myself. Thankfully I have been blessed with a good sense of humor and I'm able to take a potentially bad or embarrassing situation and turn it in to a good story for later. I have no qualms telling people how I accidentally sharted my pants one time or anything else like that.
3. My independence. My entire life I have been what you could call "strong willed" and "independent" and I think that would be putting it lightly. I began taking care of my laundry and myself around the age of twelve and told my parents at the age of 14 that I was moving out the minute I turned 18 and never going back (I never did). I love that I am able to take care of myself without any help from other (although sometimes it's nice to have a little help). I know that if anything were to ever happen and I was on my own, I would be just fine. 
4. My intelligence. It may surprise you that even though I dropped out of college my first time around, I am incredibly smart. I graduated high school near the top of my class and made a high enough score on the ACT to go to any college in the country on a full ride scholarship. I have a thirst for knowledge and I love learning how to do new things. Just recently I learned how to operate a jigsaw and now I make door hangers all by myself.
5. My body. Throughout high school I was very athletic (I played a plethora of sports) and was always what I considered "healthy" - I wasn't too incredibly skinny, but I was a good weight and I was strong. 

I fell of the wagon for a while but over the past year and a half I've gained my strength and body back (mostly) and it is something that I work hard for and that I am proud to have (and maybe show off every now and then).
Sometimes it makes me sad that when someone pays someone else a compliment, (i.e. "You look soooo pretty today!") that the immediate response is something along the lines of "OMG no way! I have a huge pimple on my cheek and I barely put any make up on." 
We are so quick to shy away from complementing OURSELVES that it's hard for many people to accept a complement on something that they have truly worked hard on for fear of being judged as conceited or stuck up. So I'm challenging myself that from now on, when someone pays me a compliment, I'm going to thank them and agree with them and then pay them a genuine compliment in return. Will you join me?
What are some things you like about yourself?

Piper Girl - Pets are People Too

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself." --Josh Billings
For some reason I have not been able to schedule a darn post for this link up! I have thought about it every month since I wrote about my sweet Stevie Cat for Jackie's link up in November, but I either don't remember until after the fact, or just completely forget about it all together. 
Today I want to talk about my Piper Girl, who is just the sweetest and most cutest chihuahua you've ever seen (no really, she is). I know most people think of Chi's as "yappy" and mean/territorial dogs and for the most part that is true. But Piper is one of the most docile chihuahuas I've ever seen, and I love her for it.

Hers camera shy

Piper also just isn't any other dog I picked up at the adoption agency/breeder/pound/etc. You see, Piper had a different owner before me. That owner was my Grandma, before she passed away in 2011. She got Piper as a puppy when she was sick, but before we knew exactly how serious everything was. My Grandma had a chihuahua as a pet for as long as I'd known her (and for many years before I was born) and just because she was sick didn't mean she didn't need another dog (her previous chi had recently died).
When it became known that her days were numbered, Stevie and myself took us a road trip to Seguin, Texas to visit Grandma. An unlikely bond was formed between my fluffy diva kitty and this rambunctious morsel of a pup. They frolicked. They played tag. They gave each other "baths" and took naps together in the sun. During one of the hardest weeks of my life, these two somehow became best friends. It was decided, Piper would come home with me when the time came.

Sometimes I think this little 5 pound munchkin is able to bring me so much joy because I know that she brought joy my Grandma while she was with her. 

She is never short on kisses for her mama and she never fails to pee on the floor when I visit. It never fails that she will growl if you move her while she sleeps and it never fails that I cry a little when I have to leave her. She is spoiled rotten and to the bone, but I wouldn't change a single thing about her.

Parental advisory: F word ahead

This post is a matter of personal opinion, and do not, in any way, think I won't be your friend if you disagree with me.

"It's a fucking pie in a box!"

This is the phrase that changed it all. Derek and I were in a grocery store and, while purusing the frozen food section, he made some kind of remark about pies in boxes and that was my response. It wasn't said in a mean or demeaning way. I didn't even think twice about it. So he said, "Why does it have to be a 'fucking' pie? Why can't it just be a pie?"

If you were my friend in college then you probably heard the "F-word" slip from my mouth pretty often, without hesitation or reason. When I was at the ripe ole age of 18 I thought the "f-word" was a novel idea. I almost got chills every time I said it, thinking it made me sound like an older, cooler, more mature version of the skinny blonde freshman that didn't know how to do her makeup yet. Fast forward four years and it was rolling off my tongue like back sweat on a hot summer day.

Sure, I refrained around certain crowds: my parents, their friends, certain classmates and teachers. I knew when to hold my tongue and act like a "nice young lady." But it wasn't until that day in the grocery store that I realized how excessive it had become.

That day, Derek asked me why I felt the need to curse so much. Instead of replying something like "I don't know... I know it's a problem and I need to work on it," I'm sure I sounded something more like this "What? I don't even cuss that much! And besides... I did it before we started dating and you didn't have a problem then!" What a gem, I know.

He pressed on, talking about how ugly it sounded and how I didn't sound very "lady like" when I used those words. Well, babe, I've never claimed to be a lady. I told him I would try to be better. I would try to use "ugly words" less and I would try to be more lady-like in my vocabulary choices.

You may read that and be thinking "What in the actual hell? You mean to tell me you just quit, because a guy told you to?! Oh hell no." And that is perfectly okay, because if you would have told the Kalyn three years ago that present-day Kalyn would quit cursing because a guy "told her" to, she would have laughed and said "You're fucking kidding me, right?"

But loving someone isn't about "dealing with" their faults and "getting over" the things that bother you. Loving someone is about compromise. It's about going out of your way to make someone happy and doing things you wouldn't normally do because THEY enjoy it. It's about making sacrifices and changing little things. 

So that's what I did. I changed. For a guy. 

I am, in no way, perfect. If I am angry, upset, or in bad traffic, you will most likely hear an "ugly"word slip out, because let's face it, sometimes "shoot" and "heck" just don't cover it. I have however, quit throwing around random F-Bombs and other things for no particular reason. And you know what? I'm proud of myself for it. I'm proud that I made a change for the better (in my opinion). 

You still probably won't catch me calling myself a lady though. I still don't like to cross my legs.

Also. This song is everything. Linking up with Whitney.

On Marriage (before 23)

I don't remember where or when I came across the article, whether it was via another blogger, on twitter, or on Facebook. But I read it a week or so ago and now I want to talk about it. The title of the post is "23 Things to do Instead of Getting Engaged before You're 23." The title intrigued me, and I wanted to know what the young lady had to say.

I found myself reading, and in the beginning shaking my head in agreement a little. Sometimes (especially in the South) girls and young women think they have to get married/have children/do xyz by a certain age. I however, am not of this mindset. Although I would like it to happen before I'm 40, I have no qualms about being unmarried at (gasp) 23 years old. The writer touches on the divorce rate among younger couples, which is higher than the rate in couples who get married at an older age (source). 
It seems that when we enter our twenties, this unexplainable desire to marry our soul mate and produce children washes over us. And with all of the social media, we can see our friends (and non-friends) all around us showing off their gorgeous engagement ring, tweeting about dress fittings, and instagramming their bridal boquets before they walk down the aisle. And the desire burns louder and brighter, maybe we start to panic a little bit because we aren't even dating anyone and it will be YEARS before we are finally settled down.
While I agree with the writer that it is ridiculous to try to plan out when you're going to get married when you don't even know much about  yourself, I do not agree with some of the things she says you should do before getting engaged at 23. I also do not agree with her bashing young couples that DO decide to unite in matrimony because I know several people that were married before 23 and are still going strong (my parents were married at 19 and 20 and celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary this year). 
Even though I don't think everyone needs to be in a rush to get married, and that marriage is a serious (hello, forever) commitment that should be made between two consenting, willing, and smart adults that have taken a lot of time and put a lot of thought into their decision. I think that people can do this at 20, 25, or 30, as long as it isn't something you're jumping in to "just because," which is what the writer seems to think anyone below the age of 23 is doing, and that's just silly.
So here are a few (not 23 because I don't really feel like coming up with that many) things you can do before you're 23, whether you're married or not:
1. Get a passport - even if you aren't planning a trip in your immediate future, it's better to have one than to need one, because it takes a while to get one.
2. Learn how to change a tire - I learned how to change a tire sometime when I was a teenager, and yes I thought it was stupid, until the day I actually needed to do it.
3. Watch an entire show, first season to last, on Netflix - I tell you what, there's nothing like spending every evening curled up on the couch watching an entire TV show. Some people may say it's lazy, but I felt a strange sense of accomplishment afterward. 
4. Go out dancing - Before I turned 21 there was a club in downtown Pensacola that let in people 18 and up on Thursday nights, and you got in for like three bucks with your college ID. I would go with my best girlfriends and not drink a drop, sweat my ass off on the dance floor, and have a fabulous time.
5. Get a pet - if you're married, thinking about having kids (or neither of those things) there's nothing that will teach you about responsibility like having something that is completely dependent on you. Plus they're cute.
All in all, I don't think there's anything wrong with getting married before you're 23. Or getting married after you're 30. Everyone is living a different life, with a different timeline, a different plan. Why should it matter to me how old you are when you get married?
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Today I'd like to introduce you to Kylie from Faux Hawks and Follies!

Kylie is a brand new blogger and a huge NHL fan, unfortunately the one sport that I don't know anything about. She isn't afraid to share her beliefs or embarrassing Target stories and that's one of the things I love about her. Plus she loves wine and coffee just as much as me, and you really can't go wrong with either of those!
If you haven't already, go say hi to Kylie! You can find her via:
Her Blog // Twitter // Instagram // Pinterest

What I learned from Disney

I actually posted this exact same a similar post to this one before, but that was back when only my mom read my blog. I'm sure she doesn't mind seeing this again.

 

As a child, my mom got all of the Disney movies ever made. I loved each and every one of them, along with Barney but that's irrelevant. I seriously doubt I could choose just one favorite. Disney movies are great for singing (dancing?) along with, and are especially humorous when you re-watch them in your twenties (some killer insinuations), and you can learn something from just about all of them:

Aristocats 1970

"Ladies don't start fights, but they can finish them." --Marie



The Lion King 1954

"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it: you can either run from it...or you can learn from it." --Rafiki

When in doubt, dress in drag and do the hula.

Pocahontas 1995

"Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one." --Grandmother Willow

Finding Nemo 2003

After watching this, I became bilingual...

And I wasn't afraid to try new things

Aladdin 1992

It is totally acceptable to have a tiger as a pet.

Lying really doesn't get you anywhere.

And last, but certainly not least, The Little Mermaid taught me all about picking up men.

"Don't underestimate the importance of body language!" --Ursula

2. "You gotta bat ya eyes, like dis. And you gotta pucka ya lips, like dis." --Sebastian, expert kisser and eye-batter. I practiced this one in the mirror.

And what forks were really intended for

 What did you learn from Disney movies?

Wedding Shenanigans

This weekend one of my best friends in the entire world said "I do" to the love of her life and I was so glad to be the Maid of Honor in her special day. I wasn't able to make many of the pre-wedding showers/parties so I worked extra hard at the rehearsal and wedding to earn my stripes.

Friday we had the rehearsal, and I was able to see the venue for the first time. I didn't really have a chance to take any pictures (I never seem to take many pictures when I'm having fun), but believe me, it was gorgeous. They were married on a pier overlooking a gorgeous pond at a park where they live.

That night the bridesmaids + a few of the groomsman's girlfriends all stayed with the bride and we had a blast reminiscing good times and throwing back a few bottles glasses of wine.

Saturday we were up before the birds to get all of our hair done. I did take a few pictures but I was forbidden to post them on any social media site, and being the good MOH that I am, I am honoring her wishes. On our way to the ceremony site, it literally started pouring and my best friend was nearly in tears. Thankfully it stopped about two hours before the ceremony and we were able to snag a few pictures with the wedding party.

Wedding party.

We were all patiently waiting for the guests to be seated before the ceremony. The flower girl and ring bearer were my escorts down the aisle, and they were absolutely precious. Also by this time my lovely bride was a leeeetle tired of taking pictures, but she obliged just one more for me.

 

Me with my college roommate (she and I both lived with the bride). After the ceremony we all changed in to comfy clothes and had a great time catching up with some old friends I hadn't seen in ages.

 

We got through the ceremony with few technical difficulties and my best friend was MARRIED! I cannot express the happiness I felt at being able to stand at my two friends' sides as they became one. Getting teary eyed just thinking about it.

HAPPY MONDAY!

 

PS. Today is my first day of clinicals for school, so wish me luck!